my dad

My dad, simply put, is amazing. I have always been a daddys girl. He has been a great father to my 3 brothers and my sister and I... and an even better husband. So when we found out in October of 2009 that he had cancer at the age of 50, it ate us all up inside. He did chemo treatments, and it seemed at times that we were seeing a miracle. He was such a fighter. Then about a month and a half ago we found out that the one chemo that was working for him.. he was all of a sudden allergic to. He was in the hospital then for about a week... there was a point in time when he didnt have a pulse for 30seconds... but then he came to. Once again, my dad is a fighter. His health since then has been touch and go. All that they could really do was treat his pain, since there werent any other chemo treatments available. He had been doing alright up until a week and a half ago, when he became so yellow from the jaundic and just sick in general that he decided to retire and be home. I have been calling every so often to see how he was doing, and to see if i should come out sooner than planned (i had planned to go out and see him april 2nd). Well on friday when i called he said that he almost checked out the night before, and that maybe i should come down a bit sooner. I left work and was on the road to ca within 2 hours.

Coming home has been bitter sweet. My heart dropped when I saw him. We all know that its just a matter of time. I am so glad that I am able to see him most likely for the last time. I am having a hard time even thinking about leaving tomorrow. I am having a hard time imagining life without him. I am hoping that he could stick around until july when i have my baby boy... his first grandchild. I am heartbroken that it would take a miracle for that to happen, let alone a miracle for him to make it till easter. My mom talks about having so many plans and dreams of what retirement would mean for her and my dad... it is painful to watch my mom cry... and it is annoying to me that that is all i can do recently... cry. This is how i am feeling. So for those of you that want to know and have been wanting to ask, please dont unless i bring it up. There are times when i congradulate myself for going so long without thinking about it and crying... no matter how short that time may be.

Now that im done with explaining the sad stuff, let me explain the good feelings i have towards all of this. I know for a fact that Jesus Christ lived and died for us. He made it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father, and for us to live not only in this life, but in the next. Families can be together forever.. death is not the end. I know that when i have my baby, that it will have just been kissed by my dad. And i know that when he is blessed, baptised etc my dad will be there in spirit. My dad will always be a part of my life, and i have been so blessed to have had him around throught my amazing childhood. He is the best dad ever.