I will miss him

There's so much to be said about my dad and I have no clue how to put my thoughts together to say all that I want to about him. But I wanted to catch everyone up to speed about these past few days.

My dad died last Saturday, march 26th... Three days after coming home from our trip to visit him. We knew it would be our last so I just soaked up every minute with him and every word he said. I got to hold him and be comforted by him. I got to play games with him and talk and talk with him. I enjoyed the little things that i never even paid attention to before, things that are only him. I saw his big grin, listened to his snoring, watched how he ate... Just like i remembered it, with his left hand in a fist, just like I do. I love all those things that make him him and I'll remember them forever. I am so glad that I was able to see him before he passed. Not a lot of people get the blessing of knowing when their loved ones will go. Some people go so suddenly... But not my dad, he held out till everyone else was ready to let him go. He even held out for my moms birthday... Which was the day before he died. He was able to give her flowers.. And even though he was too weak to speak, my mom was able to talk with her sweetheart and thank him for her gift. Then she got a phone call and went upstairs to talk. My brother told me that our dad was so sad to not be by his Grace even for a few minutes, that even though he couldn't walk by himself, he forced my brother to help him up the stairs so that he could be by her side. Stunned, my mom said, Jon you sure went to a lot of trouble to come all the way up here, and he nodded and said, a lot of work. Then he laid on the bed and caught his breath and my mom just held his hand... Until he took his last and final breath the next night.

I got the call that night about my dads passing and even though I was sad and still am, a peace and strength has come over me. It's a feeling of comfort that only a father can give... But this time instead of being held and comforted by my earthly father, im being comforted by my heavenly father. I still have good and bad days... And times when I start to cry and feel sorry for myself... I think of all the dreams that I had that my dad was maybe going to make it long enough to see his first grand baby. I went to the store to get my mom a picture frame that said grandma and me for her birthday.. And all I could find were grandpa and me ones... As I was frantically trying to shuffle through them I finally fell on the floor of that dumb store and started balling. I cannot tell you how much i wanted to buy the picture frame that said grandpa and me on it... But then somehow I pick myself up, wiped my tears and got my strength back. The strength to go on, keep living, keep finding things to be happy and grateful for... Because that's what my dad would have wanted. I can just hear him saying suck it up Beck, I am fine. I am happy here.. And best of all, free of pain. I imagine that he's up in heaven rocking out on his electric guitar and playing for all of the other angels.

I know that I will see him again. I am so glad that families are eternal. I am grateful for all of the good things that are happening in my life and because of this experience i have learned to be grateful for each day that I am given. I have learned to hold onto my loved ones longer and tell them how much I love and appreciate them more often. I love my dad so much, and will miss him even more! But I know that everything will be alright because this life isn't the end, it's only preparing us for the eternities. And knowing my dad, it wouldn't of been enough for him to just meet his first grand baby... He wanted to meet and get to know all of them. He is probably having fun with them right now. And as promised, when I meet my baby in about three months, I will be able to know that my dad was the last one to have kissed him before sending him off to me.